Truths About Longterm Singlehood

There is a great new article in the Washington Post magazine exploring the experiences of people who have been single for most of their adult lives. The Post also conducted an online survey about the pluses and minuses of the single life, with some intriguing results.

Some of my favorite lines from the article:

• Even today, Braitman sometimes mentally revises past conversations to find the right words to make her mom understand: She didn’t stay single on purpose.
• Just 51 percent of the adult population is married, down from 72 percent in 1960. So we talk about swinging, “Sex and the City” singles and extended adolescences. We talk about the delay of marriage or the rise of cohabitation and single motherhood. Depending on our perspective, we cheer the broadening definitions of family or bemoan the breakdown of the nuclear unit.
• The hope is for a constant companion who will bear intimate witness to our lives. Who will heighten our joy and ease our suffering. Who will be our designated collaborator and caretaker, sparing us the effort of constantly fending for ourselves.
• “It can be marvelous to be free; it can also make you wince with pain when people tell you they envy that freedom.”
• And at weddings, she feels acutely alone. “Sometimes,” she says, “the only thing left is to know that it’s okay to be uncomfortable.”
• If it’s a person’s lot in life to live with a chronic disease or raise a child with disabilities, we are sympathetic. But if they don’t have a partner, we assume a character flaw.
• “I’ve survived and had a really full, rich, interesting life,” she says. “Part of writing about it is spreading the good news: Move on, there’s nothing to pity here.”
• “It’s about having something we want and not getting it,” she says. “And then how do you live your life and have it be good? That’s life. That’s what living is. For everyone.”