Give Yourself a Time Out

As the mother of two small kids, I’m steeped in “time outs” right now.

So far, my 3-year-old remains motivated by the suggestion of a time out when she’s misbehaving. Sometimes I have to do the countdown – “ONE – TWO – two-and-a-half” – to get her attention, but time out seems to be enough of a disincentive that it usually guarantees moderate compliance with whatever rule I’m trying to enforce at the moment.

But the truth is, the time out concept is more effective for me, as a parent, and between me and my husband, as we co-parent. With the stress of keeping a semi-chaotic household running, quiet time is an afterthought for us these days. But reminding him, or him reminding me, that we can and should take a break from time to time, has been a tremendous help.

First, it’s practical that separating from a stressful environment reduces anxiety and helps give us perspective (no, the toddler isn’t trying to sabotage dinner, she’s just not so good with a lidless cup of milk). Second, having him offer me a break, or vice versa, is a wonderful reminder that we see each other, that we hear each other, and that we appreciate each other, despite the tension of the moment. It reinforces the teamwork we’ve come to rely on, and helps us both see our family with new, calm eyes. Take a run around the neighborhood, call your best friend from the front seat of the car, grab a book and hide out in a dry bathtub with earplugs (am I the only one?) – time out can be transformative.